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Jada Maroo
Mysterium Astrometrics
BRABODEN
243
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Posted - 2011.10.14 17:35:00 -
[1] - Quote
I was on my way to see a movie the other day and passed by a pack of those tights/speedo-wearing, Whole Foods-shopping, bike riding weirdos peddling along on the side of the street. I didn't really think much of them other than my usual "I hope they get run over." -- I'm fairly live and let live after all - but then I noticed up ahead that a sherriff's department patrol car was parked sideways in the intersection, blocking traffic both ways. As it turns out there was some sort of bike event or something and they were turning onto the main road, meaning all of us in cars who drive on roads like normal human beings had to stop and wait for all these freaks to make their turn on the route.
The wrongness of it all really struck me as I was waiting there for a good 2-3 minutes. Since when do bikes get a right of way? If people want to ride bicycles on roads they ought to: A. Attach a motor to the bike or buy/ride a motorcycle instead - seriously, no one is impressed by your silly little bicycle and B. Have to compete with and dodge/evade traffic in a survival of the fittest scenario like other animals (like deer) must do in the road.
This is simple Newtonian physics. My vehicle has more mass and acceleration than your bicycle. Therefore I win. The laws of the universe say that car/truck > bicycle every time they exchange forces in a collision.
No I don't seriously want to run over these people myself. That would be expensive, I have a pretty nice car, and I don't want to be arrested. But I do want to encourage other people with older vehicles to run them down at their convenience. You don't have to make a mission of it. Just if you happen to see a pack or gaggle or whatever the hell a group of them is called, take a little swerve to the right (or left in some countries).
Once they're down, maybe tear off the speedo and hang it like a flag on your antenna, kind of like the Jolly Roger. |
Jada Maroo
Mysterium Astrometrics
BRABODEN
245
|
Posted - 2011.10.14 19:20:00 -
[2] - Quote
stoicfaux wrote:Note to Self: Don't put Jada Maroo in charge of issuing Parade Permits.
Oh, that's another thing that happened to me just last month.
Close to where I live there are some railroad tracks atop a small hill and you can't see what's on the other side until you go over the hump. So I didn't know what I was about to drive into. Sure enough I drive over the tracks and to my horror - a ******* parade.
Thankfully it wasn't one of those rodeo parades with perma-crapping horses they sometimes have around here but it still blocked traffic. But it wasn't the parade that really annoyed me that time. It was a Cub Scouts. The little twerps were being pulled along on the back of a fire truck throwing candy. Several pieces hit my car. They didn't do any damage, of course, but it's the principle of it.
You don't just throw stuff you think may hit a car. I don't care if you're not trying to hit the car. If you're too puny to throw over the road, or if you're just going to fling it aimlessly like a chimpanzee with a piece of poo, then do me a favor and just hand it over to the fat Cub Scout kid to eat instead. |
Jada Maroo
Mysterium Astrometrics
BRABODEN
249
|
Posted - 2011.10.15 11:58:00 -
[3] - Quote
My favorite thing so far in this thread is how Spitfire editted the original post. It tells me one of two things:
1. someone actually flagged it, he read it, agreed with the overall sentiment that speedo wearing freaks on bikes are horrible people and editted it so that he wouldn't have to close the thread, which is hilarious
or 2. he thought I was serious in my suggestion that people with older vehicles should take it for the team and run over people on bikes wearing lycra and hang their speedos on their antennas as trophies, which is equally hilarious
I'm gonna choose to believe the first one because I have noticed on other forums and in other venues that this particular group (lycra wearing bicycle riders) are wonderfully sensitive to criticism, are full of arrogance, possess an obnoxious sense of entitlement (to roads), and are, in general, vile but hilarious when provoked.
When you point out that they don't belong on roads they fume and turn into what I can only describe as an impossible hybrid of a steaming teapot, a yuppie, a hippie, and a small angry terrier. |
Jada Maroo
Mysterium Astrometrics
BRABODEN
249
|
Posted - 2011.10.15 12:16:00 -
[4] - Quote
People who ride offroad bikes are fine. I have a trail bike myself. Bikes are superior on trails, after all, and cars don't belong on trails. The only things that belong on trails are bikes, motorcycles, four wheelers, rapists, dead bodies (to the side), and Mexicans.
People who "hike" -- I don't trust those people. I've never met a normal person who hikes. The common nexus between "hikers" and their lycra wearing brethren on roads seems to be Whole Foods. |
Jada Maroo
Mysterium Astrometrics
BRABODEN
249
|
Posted - 2011.10.15 12:23:00 -
[5] - Quote
I also don't like people who grocery shop with canvas bags (hemp based of course). |
Jada Maroo
Mysterium Astrometrics
BRABODEN
282
|
Posted - 2011.10.19 16:07:00 -
[6] - Quote
Iosue wrote:Jada Maroo wrote: 2. he thought I was serious in my suggestion that people with older vehicles should take it for the team and run over people on bikes wearing lycra i'll just leave this here for the OP: taking one for the teamme tiptoes out...
That's terrible. I hope that car is okay. |
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